Forget Me Not
by Wild Blueberries
Summary: When Squall gets amnesia and forgets everything, even Rinoa, Quistis is faced a choice than can change everything. "You can rewrite things the way you want them to happen, so he only remembers you..." Quall. Squinoa.
1. Forget Me Nots

When Squall gets amnesia, and forgets everything, even Rinoa, Quistis gets put in charge to look after him. "The only one he remembers its you... This is your chance to get what you've always wanted..." QUALL/SQUINOA

"When do you think he'll be back?" Rinoa asked quietly, from the seat beside the blonde. The teacher's lounge was practically deserted, except for the three women, the empty room was a rare sight, but was always good for conversations that were meant to be kept secret. 

Quistis looked up rather lazily from her paperwork that Selphie was reading from behind her. She smiled reassuringly, "He'll be back soon. They said the mission would only take a week. Why? Miss him already?" She teased lightly, despite the minor pangs of jealousy in her heart.

The young ex-Sorceress blushed almost shyly. "Yeah." Selphie peered over the blonde's shoulder. 

"Whatcha doing?" She asked, curiously trying to start a conversation.

"Paperwork." Quistis said, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Pull an all nighter?" Rinoa asked, the blonde nodded.

"The reports are due this Friday, I need to get them done." She paused, looking at the clock. "You should get going, your classes start in ten minutes. Don't wait for me, I've got a spare."

"You sure?" Selphie asked quietly. 

"Yes, now get going - you don't want your students walking out on you." She answered not even bothering to look up from the paperwork.

"Okay. We'll see you later. Bye!" Said Rinoa cheerfully, waving as she left.

She watched them leave, smiling. Rinoa had grown up so much, she was very mature now days and her and Squall had been going steady for a good year now. She still felt slightly jealous but had always managed to put it aside telling herself he would be happier with Rinoa rather than her. 

Selphie, Selphie, Selphie. Well, she was engaged to none other than the play boy cowboy himself, Irvine. No surprises there, really. She had seen that coming for quite a while and was not surprised when he just dropped down on one knee and proposed to her in front of the whole school a few weeks ago.

And she... well, she was still alone. But, she kept herself busy so she wouldn't constantly bring it up in the back of her subconscious mind. She sighed getting back to her seemingly endless paper mound.

"Hey!" She nearly jumped out of her skin when Selphie called to her from the doorway. "They're back!" She smiled, it wasn't a very dangerous mission, it was just to escort a high ranking person for Deling to Balamb, but she still got worried when her students left for missions. ...Especially _him._

"You coming?" Selphie asked impatiently, tapping her foot, nearly wanting to rush there without the instructor to go see her fiancee.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming." She stacked her files neatly before following the excited brunette who was almost bouncing off the walls in sheer ecstasy. She walked calmly through the corridors taking time to assure herself of any fears of students going missing or anything horrible happening.

Soon, she caught sight of the Ragnarok's shiny red hull, and lost sight of Selphie as she blended in the with the small crowd of students and teachers. The students exited the ships gracefully (after all, what else would you expect from a SeeD?) 

The crowd cheered, and she smiled as she saw Selphie tackle/hug her husband as he approached - and promptly smack him as he waved to a girl in the crowd. Then there was Squall... looking genuinely confused with a person on either side of him.

The blonde furrowed her brow as she saw Rinoa approach him, he didn't embrace her like he usually did. Most of the time, when he came back from any mission even if it was just a day, he would push through anyone in his way to get to her... What stopped him this time.

She was far away, but could just barely tell he was saying something to the people beside him, the next thing she knew Rinoa was hurdling through the crowd in the opposite direction of him, looking incredibly hurt.

"What? Rinoa-" She called to her, but the girl just flew by. She looked back from where the girl had come from. What was going on? The blonde patiently waited for the crowd to disperse before moving forward to him angrily. After all they had been through, she bet he had done something stupid and brushed her off. It would have been typical of him, saying something careless to her and not have giving it another thought.

Just as she was reaching him, she was pulled to the side. She looked to the offender who pulled her away from her potential target. "Cid," She said somewhat surprised; she looked at his worried facial expression. "What's wrong? Is everything alright?" She asked concerned. 

The headmaster gestured for her to step into the hallway. "Whatever I tell you, please keep it quiet from everyone else. I will tell them soon. Promise me, alright?"

She nodded, getting a general sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Squall..." He trailed off sighing. "The boy has amnesia. He got a blow to the head while protecting another one of the students from a monster. The only things he seems to remember are Gunblade skills, magic, summons..." He paused again, looking straight into her eyes. "And you."

She literally stopped breathing. "What?" She finally managed to choke out. Then, she started laughing nervously. "This must be a joke." The blonde said, his face remained serious. "W-Why me?" She asked quietly. "Why not Rinoa?" 

"You can't choose who you forget, my dear." A voice said, from behind Cid.

"Matron..." Quistis said softly. "Isn't there anything you can do?" The older woman shook her head.

"I have a favour to ask of you, something only you can do." Edea said calmly. "We need you to go with him, away from the Garden. There are too many distractions here, we have reserved areas in Windhill for you to stay. If you take him there, he is bound to remember something. We've already told the students he is on a important mission and you are his partner."

This was a lot to take in. "But-"

"Please, you're the only one who can get him to remember. ...Don't you want him to remember?" Cid asked, pleadingly.

No. She thought inwardly. "...What have you told him?" She asked quietly.

Edea smiled bitterly. "We tried to explain his name, where he lived... but he wanted to see you."

She looked to the people who practically raised her, and was forced to give in. She nodded, "Break it to her gently." She said wording the words carefully.

Cid let out a sigh of relief, "Thank you so much, child." He clapped her on the shoulder before leaving. Only Edea remained as Quistis turned to go. 

"The only one he remember is you, you can rewrite things the way you want them to happen, so he only remembers you but, be careful." She warned. "History is bound to repeat itself even if the memories are gone, my dear." She placed something in the blonde's hands before leaving her to think about what she was said. 

After watching the woman retreat, she opened her hands cautiously, and managed a bitter smile. Forget-me-nots.

_How ironic._

She took a deep breath. She could do this, she would do this. If not for Squall than for Rinoa... who loved him even more than she did. "Quistis!" The blonde jumped at the sound of her name.

Selphie skidded to a halt in front of her, breathless. "Did you hear what happened?" She asked, panting. "Rinoa, oh gosh, she said that when she went to see Squall, he didn't even know her name! That's so weird! What do you think?" 

Quistis paused a moment, "I'm sure everything's fine. He's probably just exhausted from the mission." The announcement beeped interrupting her.

"_Instructor Trepe to the Headmaster's Office."_

Selphie looked up confused. "It's probably just the reports that are due," Quistis lied. "I'll be back soon." Selphie nodded, giving a small wave. 

Slowly, she made her way to the elevator. Edea was right; she had him in the palm of her hands. If her only remembered her... she could have her second chance, he would love her and only her... No. She shook her head. She couldn't do that. Squall was Rinoa's. Always and forever.

The blonde walked into the elevator. It was mission she was being sent on. Missions didn't involve feelings. Especially this one. She couldn't let her feelings be dominant in this mission... it could ruin everything.

Yet, if she took the chance... it could change everything... and maybe, just for once, Quistis Trepe wouldn't be alone... No! She pushed the thought to the back of her head again. She needed to get over him. He was in love with someone else. Plain and simple. He would never be hers.

The elevator stopped with a jerk. she took another deep breath; and made her way to Cid's office. It was complete silence, and she could hear her boots clicking down the hallway. She came to a stop at the door.

The only thing standing in her way of getting to Squall, Cid and Edea was the door. The only thing standing in her way from moving on was her unrequited love. The only thing standing between her Squall was emotions. The only thing standing in her way from making him love her... was of now herself.

She pushed the door open. Cid was standing behind his desk with his loyal wife to his side; Squall was standing in the middle. "Quistis, please come in." Cid said, beckoning her in. She hesitantly walked in and stood beside Squall.

"You have accepted the task of accompanying Squall while he tries to remember?" Cid asked. 

"Yes." She whispered, barely audible. They looked expectedly at her. "Yes." She repeated louder.

Cid nodded. "You will leave at 5:00 tomorrow. Pack tonight and meet us here tomorrow. Squall, please accompany Quistis to her room." Squall nodded, he seemed to know that Cid was in charge and didn't argue.

Squall walked with her to the elevator. "Squall, what exactly do you remember?" Quistis asked quietly.

He looked up her, "Basic things... I don't know.. everything's blank. They told me I have amnesia." She nodded. "I don't remember anything else. I remember you, though. There's so many things I don't know." He quietly.

Quistis was trying not to stare. This was the most she had ever heard him talk. It was out of character of him... it suddenly hit her. He wasn't cold, and he wasn't in his shell because he didn't have any memories of being abandoned; which meant this new Squall would be different from the old anti-social one.

"What is this place? Where am I?" Squall asked, as the elevator door opened; looking around curiously. 

"This Balamb Garden... it's a school." She watched as Squall almost stared in awe at everything. She frowned, this wouldn't look good. People would know something was up if they saw the ex-commander staring like it had never seen this place before. 

"I'll explain later." Quistis said, "Follow me." He walked beside her obediently as she made her way to her dorm. She sighed in relief when they got into her dorm.

"Why did all those people have weapons?"

"This is a mercenary school," Quistis explained slowly.

"They kill people?!" Squall exclaimed, alarmed.

Quistis sighed before explaining about SeeDs and the garden.

Squall shifted in his seat; "... Who am I? They told me my name was Squall Leonheart... I don't know anything. Where I was born, what I was doing before... How old am I?" 

Quistis smiled bitterly, sitting beside him. "No one's really sure where you were born. It was most likely in Windhill; that's where we're going to tomorrow. Before this, you were commander of the garden for while, and before that you were a SeeD, and I was your instructor. Let's see... what else.." She paused a moment. "You're 18 years old... you use a Gunblade. What else do you want to know?"

Everything, he thought dryly to himself. "My parents... do you know who they were?" He asked quietly.

She took a deep breath. "Your mother died soon after you were born, and your father is president of Esthar." 

"Why don't I live with him then... why am I here?" 

_You're here because you're madly in love with Rinoa._ She didn't say that though. "You never got along well with your father, and I suppose the reason you're here is because you want to be."

Squall nodded slowly. "I don't understand why I only remember you..."

She felt a slight pang of hurt. " I don't understand either." She whispered.

He was silent before his next question, he seemed to debated in his mind before actually saying it aloud. "Was I in love with you?"

The next answer would change her life.


	2. Picture Frames

"Was I in love with you?" He asked.

She took a shaky breath, and shook her head. "No." She said weakly. "No." She repeated again, as if reassuring herself of the fact. "We were acquaintances, I suppose." Truth be told, she didn't even know if he even considered her as a friend.

"I see." Said Squall quietly. "I just thought... never mind." He murmured.

"Do you mind if I pack? We can still talk if you want." Quistis asked, getting up.

"Go ahead." The brunette replied, "I've still got a lot of questions left."

She nodded, walking over to her closet and pulling a few sweaters. She sighed judging them, she didn't even know how long she would be gone for.

Squall sighed putting a hand up to his forehead, he paused a moment feeling the scar. "I know this is probably a weird question," He murmured, "but, do you know where I got his scar?"

Quistis looked up from her suitcase, which she had managed to drag out from underneath her bed. She smiled for a moment, "You were practising with Sei-" She paused a moment, she had forgotten that she wasn't supposed to overload him with all the people he used to know. "...another person from your class. I'm assuming the battle got ugly."

"I sound pretty gutsy." He said shifting his position. "Do you want help with that?"

She waved him off, now digging through her pants drawer. "I'm fine." She looked up at him, "I wouldn't got as far as saying you were gutsy, more like lucky." The blonde smiled, "You've gotten away with quite a few law-defying stunts." _Like that space one. _

"For instance?"

"The robot spider in Dollet..." She trailed off, that wasn't really lucky on his behalf; if she hadn't been there, he probably would have gotten killed.

"A spider robot?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's a long story." _Concluding when you told me to talk to wall. _"I'll tell you on the way to Windhill."

Squall nodded, obviously not satisfied with her short barely to the point answers. "Who was the girl who came to greet me when I coming back?"

Quistis froze. "She was..." _Your girlfriend? Probably soon to be fiancee? Lover? The person you went out in the middle of space for? _She wished so badly she could tell him, so he would remember, so she wouldn't have to live with her guilt for lying to everyone. "A girl from Timber."

"Was she my friend?" Squall asked.

"Yes. You were very close," She took a deep breath, "You lov-"

There was frantic knocking on the door, "Hold on minute." She told Squall; she crossed the door and opened the door.

"Rinoa..." The girl looked up at her sobbing uncontrollably. She immediately closed the door and walked into the hallway with the girl.

"H-He f-forgot e-everything!" She only just managed to get that part out as she literally in hysterics.

"Rinoa, take a deep breath. I know it's hard, but you need to calm down." Quistis said, trying to calm her down.

"I c-can't! H-he doesn't even k-k-know who I a-am!" People were starting to stare, she couldn't let her into her dorm with Squall there. That would get her even more upset and confuse both of them.

"Okay, come on. I'm going to take you to the bathroom, alright?" Rinoa nodded, starting to hyperventilating as the blonde brought her to the staff washroom. She opened the door with her key card and sat the other girl on the toilet.

"I f-feel sick." Rinoa mumbled, gripping the walls.

"You've got yourself worked up," The blonde explained. "Your nerves are making you feel nauseous. Try to calm down and you'll feel better."

"I just... he doesn't r-remember me... H-how can he forget? We w-went through so much together..." She said, still burying her face in her hands.

"Shh... It'll be alright." Quistis said hugging her. "Squall will never forget about you. You two love each other so much. He'll remember you in no time, and when he does, everything will be okay again."

"B-but what if he doesn't remember? God, Quisty, I love him so much... I can't lose him!" Rinoa sobbed.

"You won't." The blonde told her firmly. "I promise."

"Really?" Rinoa asked quietly.

"Yeah. Are you feeling any better?" She asked softly.

Rinoa nodded, forcing a smile. "I-It's a pretty nice bathroom." She joked, trying to push the thoughts of losing her love from her head.

"It is." Quistis said with a small smile, releasing the other girl from the hug. "I know it's a lot to take in," She said softly, "but you have to trust that Squall will come through for you, alright?"

"Okay." Rinoa whispered, getting up and wiping her tears away. "Should I say goodbye now then?" She asked.

"What?" Quistis asked, confused.

"You're leaving in the morning, right?" Rinoa asked, starting to think she got her facts crossed by mistake.

"Oh, yes... I am." She admitted slowly.

Rinoa smiled sadly, "Take good care of Squall for me, okay?"

Quistis nodded, "I promise."

"I hope no one's waiting for the bathroom." Rinoa joked quietly.

Quistis looked at her, "Rinoa...will you be alright?" She asked concerned.

"No," She whispered softly. "But," She smiled at the other woman. "I will be."

"Do you want me to walk you back to your room?" Quistis asked, Rinoa shook her head.

"No, I'm okay. I'm gonna stop by Selphie's room on the way back." The blonde nodded, opening the door to the washroom.

"Um, hey, Quistis?" Rinoa asked.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." Rinoa said.

"Don't mention it," She smiled. Rinoa waved as she walked away, her hand firmly gripped around the ring Squall had given her.

Quistis took a shaky breath, before going back to her dorm. Squall was still seated in his seat. "Sorry." She apologized, "Was I long?"

Squall shook his head. "No."

"Okay. Good." She sighed and went back to her packing, returning to the shirt drawers.

"There's so many things I don't know..." He said, frustrated. "Do I know any other people here?"

She nodded, "Lots. There's so many people that need you to remember..."

"Even you?" He asked, getting up and sitting beside her.

She smiled bitterly, "Especially me."

Squall sighed, smoothing his hair back. "I feel like you're the only one I can trust," He said quietly. She was almost positive her heart skipped a beat; but she knew he didn't mean it. He was just confused, if it had been Selphie or even Xu talking to him in this situation he probably would have said the same thing to them.

"Why's that?" The blonde asked quietly.

"I don't know, it feels like I've known you forever for some reason. ...Have I?"

"Sort of." She whispered, getting up and walking over to her desk.

"Sort of?" He repeated, confused.

"Yes." She glanced back at him. "You should probably start packing, and get some sleep. Do you remember where your dorm is?"

He shook his head. "I'll walk you there then." Squall got up and followed her when she opened the door quietly and stepped into the hallway, which was practically empty.

"Where is everyone?" Squall asked quietly.

She looked at her watch, "Probably in the Quad, Selphie's getting the Garden band to play tonight."

"Selphie? Who's she?" Squall asked, looking at her expectedly.

Crap. She did it again. "She's from Trabia Garden." She said, he looked at her waiting for more. "I'm sorry, Squall; but if I tell you about everyone you've ever know in one sitting you'll be even more confused. Tomorrow we'll go over people from Balamb, alright? But right now, you need to get pack."

He frowned, but nodded. She stopped when they got to his dorm, "Do you have your key card?" She asked, turning to him.

He fished through his pockets for a moment, and produced the key card. "Is this it?" She nodded.

"Okay, now swipe it through there." He did so obediently. It beeped and the door opened with a 'whoosh'. He walked in slowly.

"Do you remember this room at all?" She asked quietly, he shook his head and walked over to sit on his bed.

"I don't remember anything here." He said quietly. "I don't even know what drawers my clothes are in."

She looked at him smiled sympathetically. "Do you want help?"

He shook his head, "No, it's fine. You should probably be getting back anyways, right? You still have to finish packing."

She looked at him for a moment as if making sure he was alright to be on him own. "Alright then. If you need anything my dorm number is 10H, it's just down the hall to the right."

Squall nodded and she cast one last glance in his direction before leaving quietly. He watched the door close and turned back to his room. He sighed, examining room. Books were neatly shelved in the book case, with the exception of one or two which were sprawled across the desk along with various piles of paper work.

He immediately spotted a framed picture on his desk, slowly he picked it up and looked at it curiously. It was picture of himself and that raven-haired woman again. "Who are you?" He whispered to himself.

[ o [ o [ o

"Matron, I don't think I can do this." Quistis whispered.

The older woman smiled in sympathy at the young instructor, as she helped fold a blouse and put it in the almost full suitcase. "I'm confused," The blonde said quietly, placing a pair or gloves in and then zipping the suitcase shut and dragging it to the door. "I-I don't know what I'm feeling, Matron. I thought it was just a sibling sort of love... but I'm not so sure anymore. I know that I can't interfere with Squall and Rinoa... they love each other so much.. but I still love him." She took a shaky breath and let out a bitter laugh, "I must be stupid."

Matron shook her head, "No, dear." She smiled, "Just misplaced. Now get some sleep, it's going to be a long day tomorrow. Sleep well. We will see you off in the morning before you leave." The door shut with a soft click, and the ex-sorceress was gone.

Quistis managed to nod, the words unrequited love seemed to echo in her mind. She curled up into a fetal position and tried to fall asleep.


	3. Dirt Roads

The morning seemed to come almost instantly; no one was prepared for it. The sun had barely risen, and yet a small group consisting of Squall, Quistis, Matron and Cid had gathered. Goodbyes had been said formally, hugs had been given and they were shipped off like it had been a life or death mission.

Now, they were on a train to Windhill; and frankly, she was wishing she had at least six more hours of sleep. There was almost no one on the train, and those who were, were either daydreaming or asleep.

Quistis shifted uncomfortably. She had never been fond of long rides anywhere. Deciding to distract herself, she dug through her bag until she found her photo album. Squall looked over at her curiously.

"I promised I'd tell you about everyone," She explained, giving him a him a small smile. Carefully, she opened the small book. The first picture was of Selphie; grinning happily with an armful of sunflowers. "That's Selphie. Does she look familiar at all?"

Squall shook his head. "No." He said quietly. "Did I know her well?"

The blonde took a moment to ponder that. "You were friends. Let's see, she transferred from Trabia Garden to Balamb about two years ago now. You also took the SeeD exam with her in Dollet."

"You mentioned Dollet before." He said quietly, "What happened there?"

"You took the SeeD exam there. The mission was to get rid of the remaining G-Army; but somehow you and the rest of your group ended up at the satellite tower. Then, I'm assuming, you must have done something to get one of the G-Army mad; since a few minutes before the ships were leaving your group managed to turn up with a robotic spider on your heels."

"Then what happened?"

She was hoping he wouldn't have asked that. "You managed to get out of there pretty luckily."

"Tell me the truth." Squall said dryly. Damn. She had never been a good liar.

"I saved you." She said quietly. "There were machine guns installed on the SeeD ships, I knew how to use them."

"That's against regulation." He said bluntly. Apparently he still remembered the whole rule book. "You should have let me died."

She shook her head. "I don't think I could have."

"And the consequences..?" He asked quietly, as if he already knew the end result.

"I got fired." The blonde said, "I lost my instructor's licence. I ended up a SeeD like you." _And you told me to talk to a wall. End of story. _

Squall nodded slowly. "Did you tell me this before?"

"I didn't tell you exactly what caused it, but yes, I told you."

"What did I say?" He asked quietly.

"You didn't care. But you were right, it was my fault. I got myself into the situation, and it really was none of your concern." She forced a smile at him, "That was a while ago though, it doesn't matter now." She sighed and went to go turn the page.

Squall leaned forward and placed his hand over hers, Quistis looked up startled. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, he wasn't sure of what else to say but he had to start somewhere.

She smiled sadly and looked the other way; she wouldn't let her emotions interfere in this. She couldn't let this interfere. Slowly, she pulled her hand free, and she was free to turn the next page.

"This is Zell," A smile crossed her lips, Zell was grinning stupidly in the picture most likely taken the night of the SeeD ball after the defeat of Edea. "He was also in your SeeD group. I suppose he doesn't look familiar either, does he?" Squall yet again, shook his head. "I thought so," She murmured. "He was also in your class, he was into material arts, he still is for that matter." She turned to look at him, he still had a blank look on his face.

The next page was Irvine with his arm slung over Selphie's shoulder. "This is Irvine, the lady killer of the school," She joked. It was wasted. "He was from Galbadia Garden, but he ended up transferring to Balamb in the end. He's engaged to Selphie." She turned to him again. "I suppose there's no point in asking you if you know these people every time I show you someone new. How about you just tell me if you see someone familiar, alright?" He nodded in response.

"What about the girl... the one I saw before?" Squall asked quietly.

"Rinoa?" She flipped through the small book until she came across pictures of the young woman. She watched his expression carefully to see if even his eyes flickered. Nothing. "This is Rinoa." She said quietly. "Rinoa is General Caraway's daughter..." She trailed off, "Please, Squall. Tell me you remember her, even if it's just the smallest thing."

He shook his head, and she felt her heart drop. "Sorry."

She didn't know what to say, she couldn't very well _force _him to remember, but she couldn't sit there and let his love for Rinoa just disappear either. "No, don't apologize. I know you're trying to remember." She _hoped _he was, anyways. The train stopped to let more people off and soon it was silent again.

"So weren't in love," He said aloud to himself; she stared at him. What kept on bringing him back to that? He was making it even harder for her to keep denying it; but she knew she would never live with herself if she said yes.

"No, not even close. We were only friends." She forced a smile at him. "You would never consider me that way." _You love Rinoa too much to ever think of me that way. _

She turned the other way to look out the window trying to ignore any and all thoughts of his questions. Why _did_ he keep coming back to that question? She had never given him a reason to suggest anything other than a relationship of respect.

"Is it alright if I look though this?" His voice broke her train of thought.

"Go ahead." She said, handing over the small book. "There's usually times and dates beside them. It might help you remember if you read them." There weren't many pictures as she wasn't a big camera person. Photos were usually Selphie or Rinoa's job, she usually just asked for doubles for keep sakes.

Her watched beeped. It was almost nine, they'd be there in about half an hour. She closed her eyes content to listen to the engine and the consistent flipping of pages next to her. However, she couldn't let herself fall asleep; she had to get off at the right stop and frankly didn't want to be out in the middle of no where with amnesiac Squall.

Instead, she looked out the window. It looked like it would be a nice day, there were a few clouds, but they weren't grey with looming grey. The horizon zoomed by quickly and it almost hurt her eyes to watch it; but soon they arrived at their stop.

The train personal shooed them off as they almost missed their stop because they were awkwardly gathering stray luggage. The train stop wasn't too far from the small town, it was in walking distance, but it was still a bit uncomfortable walking there and dragging luggage around at the same time.

It seemed like it was a good 20 minutes before they reached the town and made it to the inn. The inn keeper heard them come in long before they ever made it to the door. "Welcome!" She greeted.

Quistis barely managed a wave, as she was trying to steady her bags at the same time. The inn keeper peered at her, "You must be Ms. Trepe and Mr. Leonheart I presume." They nodded. "Okay, here's your key."

The blonde awkwardly grabbed it, still trying to keep the luggage up right. "Follow me." The woman said walking up a set of stairs.

_Great, stairs. _

It took them about 2 trips between the both of them to get all the bags upstairs, only to find out there were two beds - with no walls in between.

Talk about inconvenient.

Before either had a change or ever hope of protesting, the inn keeper was gone. She sighed an she hauled her bags over, "Which side you want?" She asked dryly.

He shrugged. "Left." She watched as he grabbed his bags and put them on the bed. It creaked, and for a moment there she was scared it might have broken under the weight. The blonde moved her bags against the bed and sat down.

"No memories yet?" He shook his head. She sighed, maybe this was hopeless. "You want to look around then? We might be here for awhile, we can unpack later."

"Alright." He got up slowly, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Let's go."

She smiled in response.

[ o [ o [ o

As she had earlier predicted, it was beautiful day. Squall had a hard time not staring at everything stupidly as they walked by, but she would occasionally slow down her walking pace or just stop in general allowing him to take his time and look around. "It's so calm here." He said quietly, turning to look at her. She nodded, as they continued walking down the dirt road. "Have I been here before?"

She nodded again. "Awhile ago, though. We didn't stay long though, I believe we went to Esthar after this. It's a shame no one usually comes by here; it's very soothing."

Squall came to stop in front of the flower shop. "You want to go in?" Quistis asked from beside him. He nodded, not even sure why he wanted to go in.

As he opened the door to the small shop he was immediately met with different flower fragrances. What caught his attention though were the white flowers spread across the table. "Ah, hello." An elderly woman soon came into view. "I don't get many visitors now days." The woman grinned, showcasing years worth of laugh lines. "Would you like to buy something for your girlfriend?"

Quistis quickly held up her hands to protest, but Squall seemed to ignore the reference in general. The shop keeper followed his gaze; "The white lilies?" She asked; Squall nodded. "You want them? They're only 50gil."

The white lilies made Quistis feel a bit more hopeful; lilies were Rinoa's favourite flower not to mention the last time they were there, the shop keeper had mentioned Squall's mother when asked about the flowers.

Maybe they were getting onto something there. The blonde stepped forward and paid for them, the elderly woman kept her eyes on Squall the whole time. "Looks so much like her," She mumbled with a sad smile. "Do you want them wrapped?"

Quistis shook her head. "No thank you. That's fine." She took them as is, cradling them in her arms. Squall took one last look at the shop keeper before opening the door for the instructor and leaving with her.

"I guess we should go back and put those in water." Squall said quietly, turning to her. She paused, looked at the flowers, and then turned back to him and nodded. "They suit you."

She smiled bitterly, before turning to head back. "We can go look around after if you like."

He absently nodded, and followed her back. It wasn't like the inn was tourist stop; so they didn't have to wait inline to get to their room. He looked around the small inn while Quistis waited for a vase to put the flowers in. In her defence, she had offered to give him the key while she waited but he had refused.

White lilies. Something about them triggered something very small inside of him. The clinking of glass alerted him that the inn keeper was back with a vase filled with water. "Thanks." Quistis said, putting the lilies in; and carrying it upstairs.

He quickly followed her to in order to be a gentleman and open the door for her. He watched as the blonde set them down on the table; and for a split second - the tiniest little second; it was like her image flickered. It was like a TV with bad reception, it flickered and for not even a second the blonde was suddenly a raven-haired woman in blue; and then again, she was blonde.

He shook his head vigorously; putting a hand up to his head. He needed more sleep. It was probably just stress. Quistis turned back to him in concern, bending down in order to get a look at his face. "Are you alright? You look pale."

He shook his head again. "I'm fine. I just feel a bit sick." It wasn't a total lie, he did feel sick. And scared, he didn't know if he was going crazy or what; he was scared of being alone.

He was scared of being left behind and forgotten because no one would put up with him because he couldn't remember. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember anything beyond what he already knew.

And all he knew.. was her. Nothing else seemed to click, not even his own name; where he was from, what he was like… who he was.

"Who am I?" He whispered, people had told him his name, but no one had told him who he was.

The tone of voice broke her heart. He sounded so lost. Quistis knelt down to him. "You're Squall," She said, reassuring him. "You're her lion." A bitter smile graced her lips as she said that.

It was all so confusing! Lion, what did she mean by lion? Who is he? He felt like crying, would he ever remember who he was? What if he stayed this was forever? What if he never remembered?

He watched Quistis get up and he was suddenly filled with an insane fear that she would leave him all alone, by himself with unattainable memories he could never reach. "Don't leave." He croaked out.

She stared at him. "What?" She whispered, confused.

What he she want him to say? Explain how confused how he was? Explain all his irrational fears? Just don't leave me. That's all he wanted to say; but sometimes, four words can seem like the hardest things to say. Especially the three-worded ones.

And he didn't even know how to start. "Don't leave." He said awkwardly.

"I don't understand," She said quietly; although she was trying to understand; she didn't know why he was telling her not to leave. He stared at her, what part of don't go didn't she understand? "I'm not goi-"

She had attempted to say 'I'm not going anywhere, Squall' but that hadn't quite worked out for her. She felt his hand on her wrist, begging her silently to just understand.

"Squall... I won't leave. I promise." He nodded slowly.

And he looked so helpless.

Their lion.

Her lion.


	4. Rings and Chains

Squall stared blankly out the inn window. Quistis had left to go pick up some food, and he was alone. Like he had imagined he would be. Irrational fears plagued his mind; what if she left him? No. She had promised she wouldn't leave.

He felt like a child again. A child anxiously waiting for a loved one to come home, always afraid that something would happen to the loved one along the way and they would be left alone forever. Squall shook his head, frustrated. He was being stupid and he knew it.

Instinctively, his hand went to his chest, seeking out something he didn't even know was there. He closed his eyes as his hand wrapped around a metallic surface. It brought him a small amount of comfort; although he didn't even know why.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at the object in his hand. A metal lion's head. Is that what she meant by him being a lion? He let out a bitter laugh; how the hell was he supposed to be a lion when he could hardly remember his own name? He sighed, feeling sorry for himself wouldn't get him anywhere.

Soon, the pitter pattering of rain started; as first lightly and then harder in the span of a few seconds. Squall stood up and squinted out the window, hopefully she wasn't caught in the rain. It had looked nice out in the morning, but the cloud did have a tinge of grey in them; and it ended up raining.

The window was soon covered in rain drops and it was almost impossible to make out any shapes. Squall sighed, and walked over to his bed and sat down. The photo album from before sat on the table; he reached over and flipped through it absently. The same pictures he had looked at least a dozen times and yet he still couldn't identify anyone in there.

He placed it back over on the stand, and stood up again. The rain hardened even more and he was starting to get a bit concerned. His fur trimmed coat was lazily slung over the chair, he picked it up and put it on before opening the door.

Squall stared stupidly at the door, a soaked Quistis was about two inches from his face looking equally as stunned. He cleared his throat awkwardly, "You should get changed, you'll uh, catch a cold."

She nodded slowly, her shirt was literally plastered to her skin and her hair had fallen from her usual hairstyle. "Are you going to let me in?" She joked quietly.

Squall nodded stupidly, "Sorry." He stepped to the side and let her in. The brunette stared at the walls while she rooted her through her bag for another shirt. A door shutting alerted him that it was safe to turn around as she was in the bathroom.

Friends. Friends. _Friends. _She had told him. He had told himself. Other people had told him that's all they were. And yet, he couldn't get the concept that maybe they were more than that out of his head. Squall sighed, the way he was thinking was idiotic. That would never happen.

The soft shutting of the door drew his attention towards it. Quistis gave a small wave now dressed in an overly large white blouse. He gave a small wave back. "Sorry I took so long." She said quietly, moving over to the counter. "Hope the food isn't cold." She murmured with a frown as she opened the bag of food carefully. "Or wet."

Squall smiled, and walked over behind her. "I wasn't sure on what to get but I remember when I was talking to Rinoa before..." She paused a moment awkwardly, "this, she said you liked fish. Is there any truth to that?" The blonde teased lightly.

"Yeah." He said quietly. That Rinoa person again, why did everyone keep on mentioning that to him? Where they deliberately dropping hints or something? It was confusing him. Pushing it aside; and watched the blonde who was having a war with the annoying plastic wrap in front of him.

Squall smiled, faintly amused at her antics. He chuckled lightly before reaching over her shoulders and taking the container from her. Her back was still wet from her hair and it made him shiver, she stiffened. And he knew was in an awkward position being pressed against her back.

He pulled back quickly. "Sorry." She said quietly; Squall stared at her. What was she apologizing for? She changed the topic quickly. "So you do like fish then?"

"Why did you apologize?" He blurted out stupidly.

"I..." She trailed off.

"You don't even know why, do you?" Squall accused, dryly.

"I should have moved." The blonde said quietly.

"You should have moved?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." She shifted uncomfortably. "Never mind, it was stupid. You're food's getting cold." She gestured to the food.

Squall sighed, obviously the topic had been changed on him. They ate in silence. The paper plates had been thrown away and the silence in the room was incredibly thick. A sound of shuffling papers broke it.

Quistis sat a small stack of papers down on the bed. "They gave you paper work?" Squall asked quietly looking over at her.

She shook her head. "These are your records. I thought that if maybe you looked though them they might jog your memory." She gestured to the small pile. Squall looked at them curiously before picking one up.

"Deling?" He asked looking at the label. The blonde nodded, sorting through the others while he read through it quietly. "So we were ordered to assassinate the Sorceress..." Another nod. He scanned the rest of page. "It says I received a large wound, was it in battle?"

Quistis shifted uncomfortably before answering. "No."

He looked up in horror. "Was it self-inflicted?"

"What? No, no." She reassured him. "The Sorceress used her limit break on one the person you were on the mission to protect; and you pushed them out of the way; you took the hit for them." She paused a moment to look him in the eye. "You took the hit for Rinoa; you risked your life so she would be safe."

It was like he had the wind knocked out of him. "You didn't have to though. You could have let her die, but you didn't." She forced a smile at him. "That's the kind of person you are. You're like a knight in shining armour." She let out a small laugh. "Technically, you almost were a knight."

He was so confused. If he risked her life for that girl, why the hell couldn't he remember her? Would he have risked his life for anyone? "Would I have risked my life for you?"

She looked up in a moment of surprise, before relaxing. "I don't know, Squall. That's for you to answer, not me."

He looked at the rest of the papers, before turning back to her. "Yes."

"Yes?" She asked, confused.

"I think I would." He said quietly.

She smiled at him somewhat bitterly. "Thank you, but if the time ever arrives please don't."

"Why not? You want to die?" He asked, staring at her intently.

She shook her head "No, but there's a lot of people that need you. I wouldn't want to take you away from them."

"What if it's my choice?"

"There's people waiting for you, Squall. Besides, I don't think we'll be getting into a life endangering activities any time soon." She smiled reassuringly at him.

"Any one that loves me?" He joked softly, looking through the reports.

"Yes. Lots." The response made him look up in surprise.

"Even you?" He asked quietly.

She didn't answer, but reached over to her bag and pulled something out and placed it in his hands. "Rinoa asked me to give this to you, she hoped it might help you remember."

Squall looked at the object. "A ring? Is it an engagement ring or something?" He asked, confused.

Quistis shook her head. Might as well be, though. "You gave it to her awhile ago, and she kept it. Do you remember it all?"

He examined it closely before shaking his head. "No, sorry." Squall sighed and handed it back to her.

"It's yours." She said, pushing it back to him.

"I know, but I might lose it."

"Squall, I can't take this." Quistis said, shaking her head.

"Hold on to it then for me." He said quietly. "Please." He added, after a moment. She said nothing but cast her eyes downward.

He reached over and put it around her neck, fumbling slightly with the clasp for a moment. He wasn't sure if he was fond of being close to other before this, but he liked it. It seemed like forever until he finally got the chain linked together, he felt her shift underneath him.

"Squall?" She asked quietly. "Squall?" He closed his eyes for a moment content to be near her. He let out sigh and opened his eyes, and froze. Flickering, again. Just a for a second, her attire was blue before back to the white blouse.

He pulled away slowly and glanced at her not quite sure of what he saw the first time. "Sorry." Squall stared at her a moment. "It looks nice on you." He said quietly.

She nodded slowly. The ring seemed to only add even more weight onto her guilt, and it was dragging her deeper and deeper into something she might not be to get her way out of.


	5. Honesty and Trust

Unnerving was one word for these kind of situations. Uncomfortable would possibly come to mind, too. Many words could describe these situations, but not fully cover them. Situations like being in an inn, with your best-friend's boyfriend (whom you still have feelings for), wearing _her _ring, not to mention the man had bloody amnesia to boot.

Quistis stared at the window; the rain had stopped a little while ago, but the windows were still covered with droplets. The sky was still grey, and almost gave off a sense of impending doom. She frowned and turned back to Squall who was still flipping through reports.

The blonde peered over at him, he had gone through most of them by now. Still, he had a blank look on his face. Maybe it was hopeless, she was temped to just start getting out cue cards and going through them.

Shuffling of papers brought her attention back to him. Squall sighed as he placed the papers in a neat pile on the night stand, and turned to her. He looked so lost. She gave him a small smile, "Nothing?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

She let out a small sigh, her hair was started to become dry again. "20 questions then."

Squall looked up confused. "Ask me 20 questions, and then we'll go from there." It would have been the game 20 questions, if she could think of 20 questions to ask him not consisting of 'Remember now?' or 'How about now?'

He stared at her oddly for a moment. "Okay." He paused a moment. "Favourite colour?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, _favourite colour? _Seriously? She shrugged, "Orange."

"Where did you... we? Where did we grow up?" He asked, confused. She had said they had kind of grow up together, but he hadn't quite grasped what she had meant by that.

"Near the ocean, in Cape Good Hope. There was a large field of flowers..." She trailed off, maybe mentioned the orphanage wasn't just s a great idea just yet. Field of flowers, it stung slightly when she remembered the time when Rinoa and Squall had made their promise there. Yes, Rinoa and Squall, that's why you're here. She reminded herself curtly, you're trying to get Squall to remember Rinoa.

"We grew up with Selphie, Zell and Irvine." She looked at him again, he was still wearing a blank look. "Matron and Cid took care of us."

"...The headmaster?" Squall asked, confused.

She nodded. Maybe she was getting somewhere. "We stayed together until we were all about 8, and then everyone started to get moved around. It was pure luck we all managed to meet again."

Squall nodded, leaning back. "Yeah. So when we met again, you were my teacher?" The blonde nodded. "Was I a good student?"

She smiled. "Perfect, but I'm pretty positive you found my classes boring. It seemed like you knew everything I was teaching; I think you tuned me out for most of the year, though." He let out a small chuckle at this statement.

Hearing him laugh was rather unexpected, not that it wasn't unpleasant or anything. "What?" Squall asked quietly, she suddenly released she had been staring.

"Nothing, it's just that you usually don't laugh that's all." She smiled at him, "It's a nice change."

He sat up from his sitting position, "I'm glad you think so." The brunette said quietly.

She looked the other way, if she had told herself once, she had told herself a thousand times. Feelings would not, should not and could not get in the way of this. She took a deep breath before facing him again, "What else do you want to know?"

"Everything." Squall said quietly, running his fingers through his hair. "Do I have any siblings?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Any relatives?" She wasn't sure if Ellone counted for anything, so she shook her head.

Squall sighed once again looking through the Deling report. "So you're saying I risked my life for this girl, even when I hardly knew her?" You _danced _with her when you didn't even know her name, her mind shot back bitterly.

She nodded slowly. "Have I pulled any other stunts like that?" Squall asked with a smile.

"No, but you and Seifer had your occasional scuffles. I remember at least once a month I'd have to go down to the infirmary to get either you or him." She smiled fondly at the memory, shaking her head wistfully.

"Seifer?" Squall asked, curiously.

"Oh. I forgot to tell you about him, didn't I?" He nodded. "Well, he went lived with us when we were little; he was also in your class. I'm not even sure what you two got into fights about, all I know is that it was the same excuse each and every time: we were just practising, or something along those lines; and I remember thinking every time, you were practising and he was probably out to kill you." The blonde smiled, "You were a confusing student, I must admit."

"Is that what I was like? I was confusing?" Squall asked, confused.

"No, no. You were very quiet, you usually only spoke when you needed to for a while there. Then you met Rinoa, and it was like she opened up a whole new side of you. You talked a lot more and you were more open with your feelings."

"You make is sound like it was a life altering change." He said quietly.

"It was." The blonde replied softly, giving him a small smile. Her watch beeped but she ignored it. "I'm glad she got through to you, I like the more talkative Squall compared to other one."

"Was the other one mean?" Squall asked, stretching his long legs.

"No, just blunt or foreword I suppose. You basically said what you wanted to and didn't give a second thought about it. You were a good person though," She paused a moment, "You still are."

Squall paused a moment. "Do you think I'll ever remember anything? Honestly?" He asked quietly.

She smiled at him reassuringly. "I know you will." You have to, she added inwardly.

"Thanks." Squall said quietly.

The blonde nodded in response, grabbing her hairclip before struggling to pin her hair up and fumble around with the hairclip at the same time. Squall watched for a moment, getting up and moving beside her.

He removed the hair clip from her hair carefully; she flinched. Squall stared awkwardly for a moment. "Are you alright?" He asked, she nodded slowly. "Sit still for a moment." He told her quietly, she did she was told but not before squirming for a moment. Squall raised an eyebrow at her movement but said nothing as he pinned her hair up for her. "There."

She immediately moved over from him. Squall suddenly felt uncomfortable, why as she so nervous around him? "What's wrong?" He managed to get out stupidly.

"Nothing." She curtly, "I'm fine." The blonde smiled at him as if to punctuate the point.

He gave her the I don't believe you look. "Then why do you keep on moving when ever I get anywhere near you? Have I done... something to you before this? Why are you so uncomfortable around me?" She seemed fine before, so why was she so fidgety now?

"I'm sorry," She said quietly. "I just..." She trailed off awkwardly, forcing a smile. "You've never done anything to me, don't worry." Unless you count ignoring as something, that is. It probably did, but oh well.

He didn't really believe but he couldn't exactly go interrogating her either. "You can trust me," He told her quietly.

It was trusting herself that she more worried about.


	6. Flower Petals

The clock chimed and her watch beeped in about a minute's span of each other. Squall groaned. It was officially midnight, and he hadn't slept a wink; his companion however, much to his dismay was fast asleep. Lucky.

The brunette frowned, vaguely wondering if he was an insomniac before this. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Rinoa. It had been brought up so many times before, and it still wasn't even helping identify which girl in the photo album she was. It was like every name he heard or person he was being taught about was going into the trash bin area of his brain, and it was driving him crazy.

The fear of not remembering anything was growing. He shook his head, trying not to imagine what would become of him if he didn't remember. Would things be any different? He had been told he had friends, but he apparently didn't have any family except for a father he wasn't fond of. Supposedly, that girl, Rinoa and him and his had been close; but if he couldn't even remember her - was she that important as he had been told?

Quistis shifted in her sleep in the bed opposite of his. He was pretty sure she was asleep anyways, unless she could fake sleep well - which he doubted. Squall looked over at, she clearly looked more comfortable when she was sleep than when she was awake, or when she was with him. That thought alone made his stomach knot.

She turned over again. He frowned she had been sleeping fine until now, he shrugged it off. She probably was just one of those people that tossed and turned in their sleep. Squall turned back to the window, it would make her even more uncomfortable if she knew he staring at her while she slept.

His fingers once again found his necklace. It was heavy, probably made of metal; it even made the metal chain sink down with it's weight. He sighed, bringing up to the light. It was hard to see, the lights were off and the moonlight wasn't giving off much light; he almost had to squint to make out the features.

Where had he gotten it? Had the girl... Rinoa, yes, that was her name; had she given it to him? He supposed it would have made sense, he had been told he had given her a ring. Maybe it was an exchange of jewellery? Maybe he had fallen in love with her? Or what if she loved him, and it was unrequited? Maybe it was unrequited, but who would he have been in love with instead? The Selphie girl was engaged to that cowboy person, and he was fairly sure he wouldn't have been going around having affairs. Maybe one of the girls at the school? What if it was Quistis?

No. She had told him they hadn't been in love; but 'we' referred to both parties. What if he loved her, and she hadn't returned the feelings? Maybe it had been the other way around? No, she wasn't even uncomfortable around him. That wouldn't have worked. Maybe it was just that he didn't love the Rinoa person back? No; for some reason that didn't sound right.

Nothing sounded right anymore.

He let the pendent fall back to his chest again, there were too many unanswered questions about that. Squall sighed again, he glanced towards his own bed. It didn't even _look _inviting. He wasn't ready to sleep anyways; he had gone through the photo album several times - it was officially no help.

The only one he could rely on for telling him anything was asleep. He couldn't blame her though, it had been a long day of questions, mostly interrogation on his behalf. She was probably sick of him by now, having to answer so many useless questions. She had told him they were friends, she hadn't specified which kind though. Acquaintances? Best friends? Probably not best friends, not on her behalf anyways. She treated him with respect, but couldn't even stand to brush elbows with him.

He trusted her though. He wasn't even sure why, just for some reason he knew he could trust her. Was it because she was the only one he knew he could trust her? Because she was the one he had been sent off with? Was that why? He thought about it for a moment. No. He didn't think it was.

Squall's gaze once again travelled over to her. The blonde shifted once again, as if to say: 'Don't even think about it.' He moved over to his own bed, being near the window was a bit chilly. He cocked his head, it wasn't a lecherous stare. Not that there would have been anything to stare at even, as she was covered by at least two layers of blankets and a baggy shirt and pants. It was more a look of curiosity.

Her breathing quickened suddenly, snapping him out of his stupid gaze. It then occurred to him that she wasn't just a person that moved a lot in their sleep. He watched her as she tossed and turned in sleep delirium, she shook her head and turned in his direction.

[ o [ o [ o

A flower of fields. She had been there before; she knew where it was, a smile crossed her lips. The sea was near, she could hear the gulls, and the air smelt like salt. There was every kind of flower there, tulips, roses, daffodils, irises... white lilies.

The sound of footsteps made her turn around. A girl in blue and black was approaching her. "Quistis?" The person asked. Yes, that was her name, wasn't it?

The blonde nodded, staring at the sky. Petals were starting to fall from the sky. Petals? She thought oddly, it doesn't rain flowers... She turned back to the other girl. "Rinoa.." The name somehow made her uncomfortable. "What are you doing here?"

Rinoa turned to her. "I'm waiting." She told her quietly.

"Why?" Quistis asked, confused, cupping her hands to catch the petals.

"Because I promised." The raven-haired girl said with a smile.

"Promised?" The blonde repeated. "Who did you promise?" She asked as the petal touched her hands. They turned into feathers on impact, and she stared in awe.

"I promised Squall I'd be here, that I would wait... so if I came here, he'd find me; but you're here now." Rinoa told her quietly.

She didn't know what to say. Apologize maybe? The sky was raining more petals.

"He'll be here soon." Rinoa said, looking up at the petals. She turned and started walking.

"Where are you going?" Quistis asked. "You said he'd be here soon, so why are you leaving? You promised!" She called after the girl.

"Because your promise replaced mine." It felt like someone had punched her in the stomach, and it almost made it hard to breathe.

"No, wait! You don't understand!" It was too late. She watched in horror as the wings sprouted from the other girls back, feathers scattered everywhere, suddenly as sharp as knives. She shielded herself as her sliced her skin, before falling to the ground tipped with blood. The blonde looked up to where the other girl had been. She was gone.

The petals were now piling up, falling from the sky like relentless rain. Soon they were at her shoulders, and the next moment she was drowning in them. She tried in vain to push them off her but to no avail, where was he? Would he save her? Tears stung at her eyes. Would she really die like this? Drowning in feathers and petals? She cried out for help but no on answered. No one heard her. It was literally a sea of feathers and petals and she couldn't even see past them.

And then there was a hand reaching down to her through the masses of feathers and petals. She fumbled around for the hand, finally reaching it as she was pulled up. She coughed trying to regain her breath, air eventually filled her lungs providing her to breath normally once again.

Slowly, she looked upwards. "Squall..." She whispered. "Rinoa-" He put a finger to her lips. What was he doing? Why wasn't he going after Rinoa?

"It's alright." He slowly leaned in and kissed her. What the hell was he doing? That was probably the most coherent thought she got out in the span of three seconds. She wanted to tell him about how Rinoa's promise was more important than hers, that he should go after her, but she didn't. She couldn't. She was tired of being the one that was always forgotten; the one that was left behind when she loved with all her heart, with everything she had. Tears that had stung her eyes before were now rolling down her cheeks. No. This was wrong!

She shuddered as he gently brushed her tears away. And she wanted pull away, she wanted to yell at him, tell him he was stupid for letting Rinoa go, but she had waited so long for this. For him. She loved him. Truly, deeply, passionately. More than anything, more than anyone else.

Squall pulled away slowly, smoothing her hair back carefully. He was saying something but she couldn't hear any sound. What was he saying?

"Betrayer." She barely heard it, her heart skipped a beat. "Betrayer." Louder this time. Who was saying it? There was no one else there but them, and Squall wasn't saying it. She shook her head, ignoring it. "Betrayer!" No, she was fine. She was with him - he would protect her. Wouldn't he? "Betrayer!" It was even louder this time. And it occurred to her then the voices were right.

"No." She shook her head, she couldn't do this. "You can't stay here, go after her." And it broke her heart to say it, but after all, it was true wasn't it? For as much as she loved him, didn't Rinoa also if not more?

He was saying something again, and it was like someone had hit the 'mute' button. She watched as he got up, and in vain she reached for him, but he was already gone.

"Betrayer!" It was extremely loud, it hurt her ears.

"No!" She yelled, as tears rolled down her cheeks. She had let him go, she had done the right thing and yet somewhere deep down it made her angry, that she was one to let the people she cared about go and have them not come back. "It's not fair!" She choked out. "Why am I always alone?!"

"Betrayer!" The sound almost shook the ground itself and she didn't have the strength to protest. The ground shook, and she fell landing on bare ground. A dead white lily was the last thing she saw.

[ o [ o [ o

Squall watched as continued struggled against some invisible force, he moved over to her side. "Stop it." He said quietly, it was a nightmare, he knew now.

She turned again violently. Squall watched with uneasily, reaching out and putting his hands on her shoulders shaking her carefully. "Wake up, Quistis."

Yet again, she jerked away from his touch as if she had been burned. He barely heard her let out a small whimper, "Come on, wake up." She squirmed and twisted her body until she was facing him once again.

She was crying. He removed his hands from her shoulder and wiped the tears away carefully. "Please, wake up." He whispered, with one last violent jerk she went limp.

In her dream, she had died.

He couldn't breathe. Was she alive? He moved over so he above her and fumbled around for her pulse, while positioning himself to see if she was breathing. After fumbling around, he found her pulse.

"Thank Hyne." He whispered, he stared at her. What had upset her so badly? Slowly, he brought his hand up and brushed away her damp bangs. She was beautiful. He paused, when had he started to think that?

And it occurred to him, if this had been anyone else with him - would he have been thinking these thoughts? "Squall.." She whimpered softly, it was only barely audible. She had said it...lovingly?

He leaned down to hear what she said, to see if she would repeat it. Nothing. She stirred, and he shifted so he wasn't so close. "I'm sorry, Rinoa." He barely heard her whisper.

And then there was silence.


	7. Playing with Fire

It was dream. Just a dream. Only a dream, but it scared her. It honestly scared her. Maybe it wasn't even the thought of drying that scared her or that she had let him go only to have him not come back. Maybe it was the prospect of betraying a friend. Betraying them when the only one they can count on is you.

_"Your promise replaced mine." _It seemed to echo in her head. Had it really? Had it really replaced Rinoa and Squall's promise? She hadn't meant to, had she?

No. She couldn't have. She was doing them this for them. For Squall and Rinoa. So they could have their happily ever after, even if she would never get her own. Lazily, she opened her eyes and rolled over. A smile crossed her lips, Squall was curled like a cat on the bed opposite of hers.

She stretched a moment before fully getting out bed and inspecting him. He was completely and totally asleep and by the looks of it had only fallen asleep a few hours earlier. Maybe he had pulled an all-nighter looking at reports? Maybe. Slowly, she reached over and brushed the bangs out of his eyes.

Yes, she would make sure they got their happy ending. She would do that for him. For her. For them.

Even if it meant letting him go forever.

[ o [ o [ o

He hadn't slept well to put it bluntly. Something about the line "I'm sorry Rinoa." had kept him up all night. Why was she sorry? He didn't understand, but if he had a dollar for everything he didn't understand anything he'd be rich; so he put it to that back his brain for later and decided on a question he _could _answer. What time was it? Squall rolled over and opened his eyes for a minute trying to get a hold of the clock and see what time it was.

12:00. He groaned. Did he really sleep that long? It didn't feel like it. The brunette rolled over again in a vain attempt to get back to sleep. It failed. Utterly. He sighed, obviously going back to sleep wasn't an option. Slowly, he sat up and took a look around the room.

It was empty. Where was she? Squall got up and looked around. The bags were still there, everything was still intact. No note either. That was a good sign wasn't it? It meant that she hadn't left a suicide or left-without-you note.

He sighed, calming himself down. It was only noon, she had probably gone out for lunch or something. The photo album. Possibly the most useless and helpless item known to existence according to him; but at least it have him something to do.

He honestly hated that little black book with a passion he decided as he flipped through the pages. He had lost count of how many times he had flipped through it a while ago. Talk about frustrating.

Sounds of pages being flipped filled his ears. A blur of colours and faces he couldn't identify and it was driving him crazy. And then, pain. It wasn't excruciating pain mind you, but it wasn't fun either.

He nearly dropped the album in surprise. A folded picture had appeared out of no where along with a fresh paper cut. Squall examined the album, it must have been folded in with the rest and had just shaken loose.

The brunette frowned, grabbing a tissue from the night stand and pressing it to his finger in an attempt to stop the bleeding. He again looked to the clock as if it would solve all the problems to his amnesia. The only answer it gave was the time. 12:05.

The folded picture in his hand begged to be opened, and it almost felt like he was holding Pandora's box. He looked again to the clock; he would give her 20 minutes. If she wasn't back by then, he would start looking.

Squall turned his attention back to the picture; unfolding it carefully as to not receive another paper cut. The crinkling of the paper gave him a bit of anxiety, but finally it was opened; revealing all the secrets the picture held. As many secrets as a picture can have, anyways.

He found himself looking at a picture of Quistis and himself; at a party maybe? He could tell there were others in the background and as he squinted he could make out faint outlines of confetti. Yes. A party. It wasn't the party part that made him wonder, though.

It was why he had his arms around her.

He examined the picture closely. No, he wasn't seeing things. Squall stared at the picture; they were both smiling. Why? Why were they smiling? Why were they even hugging?

Why was he so damn confused? Was she hiding anymore things from him?

He almost wanted to rip the picture in half out of frustration, but he didn't. Maybe it was because there was some part of him that knew that that was closest he'd ever get to her. Maybe that hug was the only thing they had going for them. So why was it folded away secretly?

After all, it was just a hug. Not a not a kiss, not a lover's embrace. Was it? They were just friends weren't they? If that's all they were why he did he feel so disappointed?

He shook his head. No, thinking that was just plain stupid. She was a friend.

Acquaintance.

Friend.

Best friend.

Lover.

Sometimes; the lines between them blurred.

[ o [ o [ o

12:35. He was starting to wonder where she was and how long she had been gone. However, wondering wouldn't get him anywhere. He sighed before getting up and walking towards the door.

Somewhere, deep within; he wished she would be on the other side.

Lady luck was not fortunate to him. He was greeted with only the sight of the stairs; his heart sank a little. Slowly, he descended the stairs; anxiously looking for the innkeeper. Soon, he spotted her, tending to the tables.

"Excuse me-" The woman jumped, nearly knocking over the chair closest to her. The inn keeper looked up, obviously trying to recover after the small fright.

"Oh. I thought you left." She said, placing a hand on her chest to calm her breathing. Squall shook his head. "How can I help you, then?"

"I was looking for," He paused a moment, telling the woman her name probably wouldn't get him anywhere. "the blonde woman?"

"Her?" The woman asked, wiping the table. "She about two hours ago."

His heart literally stopped, it took him a moment to get air back in his lungs. "Do you know where she went?" Please tell me she didn't leave. Please.

The woman shrugged. "I'm sorry. She didn't say where she was going or when she'd be back. I don't think she would have gone far though; there's always monsters roaming about. She probably just went next door to get food and starting talking to somewhere there. That's where she went yesterday."

Squall nodded stupidly, and turned for the door. "Hey, be careful out there! Don't go far, there are monsters out there. If you see any just run!" The woman's voice didn't even register to him. He had a feeling she didn't go next door though.

And he knew it wasn't too smart to follow gut instincts 24/7. but he decided to do it. Just this once. He took a deep breath, and turned towards the small wooden bridge; he had magic with him. He wasn't totally suicidal, after all.

Somehow, he knew where to go. Past the flower shop, to the dirt road. He saw the battle before he actually saw her. Flames shot up in a column of red and the air around it warped slightly.

Something inside of him made his run faster. Maybe it was for the excitement of battle, maybe it was to get somewhere new. Maybe it was the thought of someone close to you being in danger. Maybe it was nothing it all.

"Quistis!" The words came out of his mouth before any thoughts of how stupid he would look, running heroically, calling out her name if it wasn't her. In the end, being there in general was stupid.

She was going perfectly fine. Until he came along, that is. It was then she had made the mistake of looking up.

And sometimes looking up could be fatal.

He cursed himself as the monster (he really couldn't tell quite exactly what it was), moved in, and cast firaga. He was an idiot; that was his new mantra in his brain as of now. Almost there. Just a bit further. He urged himself onwards. Why was he so concerned about reaching her?

Was it only because she was the only he had to help her? If there had been another person there with him, would he have been so hell bent on reaching her?

He didn't know and he didn't care.

He just wanted to get there in time.

It was probably pure luck he had managed to get there before the monster had attacked again. "Thunderaga!" He hadn't even really considered which one to use but it was the first thing that came to mind.

Thunder crackled for a moment before an immense lightening strike targeted the monster and nearly charred it to bits. He hadn't been the knight in shinning amour, and he doubted he ever would be. But by God, he would save the princess.

However, the princess, at the moment; was relaying all the ways her knight was not exactly helping her at the moment. Squall ran over and knelt next to her, "Are you alright?"

Despite being tired, burnt and emotionally exhausted; she managed to give him one hell of a withering look. "You know; I distinctly remember teaching you in class to not distract someone while they're fighting."

And even though he was getting a lecture on past lessons; Squall still managed to smile.

[ o [ o [ o

"You're back. What a relief." The voice of innkeeper made Squall jump slightly as they entered. She walked over to the pair, "I thought maybe you had gotten into a lover's quarrel or something. Oh my," The woman murmured catching sight of Quistis' arm. "that's quite the burn you've got there. Hold on a minute, I'm sure I've got some cura spells around here somewhere..."

"I'm fine, really." Quistis said with a smile. "It's just a burn." Before the woman could protest, the blonde was already half way up the stairs and out of hearing range.

Squall stared awkwardly after her. "Feisty one you've got there." The innkeeper muttered.

He nodded stupidly.

[ o [ o [ o

"Does it hurt?" Okay. Fine. It was a stupid question, even he would admit it. Of course it hurt, why wouldn't it?

She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "A bit. I've been through worse, trust me. Besides, it's feeling better now." It didn't ease his guilty conscience, but he nodded anyways.

Silence. Then a whoop of joy. Both of them stared. Then he began to hear music. "I guess she got the radio working." Quistis said quietly.

"Yeah." Squall said quietly, listening to the music. It was hard to hear as the door was muffling most of the noise. He closed his eyes; it sounded a bit familiar. "Do you know the name of this song?" Waltz… waltz for something? Waltz for the Moon.

How the hell did he know that?

"Waltz for the Moon." They said in unison.

"You remember?" Quistis asked, hopefully. He nodded slowly.

"It sounds familiar." Squall admitted quietly. "I don't know why."

"You danced to that song with Rinoa at the SeeD ball." He did? He didn't remember. "It's a pretty famous song."

"Danced?" He asked, confused.

She nodded, "You danced very well with her, I remember." Squall said nothing. He was confused. Dancing with Rinoa. Hugging Quistis. Giving a ring to Rinoa. Being deathly worried for Quistis.

Quistis. Rinoa. Did he love one? None or both? He shook his head. It was all so confusing. Being in love with Rinoa or caring for her deeply didn't sound far fetched; but at the same time not caring for Quistis seemed impossible.

"What happened after the dance?" Did he kiss Rinoa? Did he forget about her? Did he go to Quistis?

She paused, what was she suppose to tell him? Rinoa ditched him for Seifer, or that she dragged him out to tell him she got fired for him and was met with the response talk to the wall? Both could affect him greatly. Tell him Rinoa ditched him for Seifer and he might take a disliking to Rinoa; tell him she dragged him off to the training center and he might get some weird ideas. But she didn't want to lie; she had lied too many times already.

"We went to the training center." All right, fine. She left out the tiny tidbit of information that Rinoa ditched him to go do whatever she did that night with Seifer. It wasn't that important, it wasn't life altering or anything.

He didn't say anything, and she was starting to get worried he was getting more thoughts about them being in love. Again. "Sorry."

She snapped her head up so fast they both thought for a minute there that she would get whiplash. "What? Why?"

"For starters, I got you burnt." He pointed out dryly.

The blonde shook her head. "Don't worry about it; I told you before I've been through worse."

"No. Not just for that," He managed to grit that out; he didn't specialize in the apologies department. "for getting you dragging here with me." Again, it came out awkwardly.

"I don't mind being here." She gave him a reassuring smile. "It's sort of like a vacation." The way she put practically screamed end of discussion.

He glanced back at her arm. "Did you heal it?"

"Not yet."

He frowned, "It'll get worse if you don't heal it." The blonde nodded, she knew. Squall got up and moved over to her and she moved a few centimetres away from him. He said nothing but moved his hands over to her arm. "Curaga."

Blue light flared up from the spell; and for some reason he found himself staring at her. She avoided his gaze, and kept her eyes on the floor. He wanted to see her eyes. The thought suddenly just came to his mind, and he had no idea where it came from but followed it.

Slowly, he moved his free hand to her face and gently turned her head towards him.

Did he even care for her? Did he love her? Maybe he was substituting her for someone he couldn't remember. Maybe it was the way she looked at it him, confusion, fear, love and hurt all being told silently by her eyes. Maybe he just wanted to feel something more than confusion and she was his one way ticket out of it.

He never did know why he kissed her. But he did.


	8. One Way Ticket

There are some things in life you don't think about. Times when your heart decides something and your brain doesn't get any input into the decision. Those are the decisions that you can build upon or break everything you've worked so hard on. This was one of them.

What did she mean to him? Anything? Nothing? He was worried when she got hurt. A friend could worry about a friend. Would he risk his life for her? A friend could risk a life for a friend.

She was his one ticket out of confusion to something else. Anything else. Even for just a moment. And there was no going back. One way ticket. Was that all she was? Was she really? Was she something more? He wasn't sure anymore.

It was like a flickering image. A fading light. Blue. White. Brunette. Blonde. Brown. Blue. And it wasn't Quistis he was kissing anymore. It was someone else. A raven haired girl with a blue outfit. Her again. Who was she? Why the hell did he keep seeing her?

And then she was gone, replaced once again by Quistis. He didn't understand. He didn't want to. He wanted to get away. Get lost. Get lost in her. For as long as it took for him to understand. To make sense of things. To replace who ever he had lost with her; so he wouldn't be alone. He didn't want to be alone.

Not anymore. Even if it meant losing the one person that meant everything to him. Even if it meant losing himself.

And maybe he would have lost himself if she hadn't stopped him.

Hands on chest, forcing him off. Not a touch with a trace of passion; or longing. It was of violence and fear. He pulled away slowly watching her the whole time. She didn't met his gaze. She couldn't.

Was she scared? Frightened? Had he scared her? Squall watched as she looked away from him silently. What was it he was feeling? Hurt? Ashamed? Longing? Confusion? He watched as she exhaled shakily and smiled. Not a smile of happiness, or of joy. A bitter smile, a sad smile. "I suppose I was being naive when I thought this would never happen." She exhaled rather shakily, and turned to him.

He didn't know what to say as he watched her shake her head sadly. In vain, he reached out to touch her. Maybe comfort her in someway, or maybe it was just an attempt to ease his guilty conscience. "Don't." They way she said it made his freeze. Made his heart stop. Made ice creep up the walls.

"Why?" It was all he could do to get that single word out.

"This isn't right." It was like someone punched his in the stomach. She turned to him slowly, "Whatever you're feeling right now isn't for me. You don't care for me this way."

What did he feel then? "How do you know what I feel?" He asked, somewhat angrily.

"I know that you're confused, Squall." The blonde replied quietly. He turned to the window silently, "Look, let's just forget this happened."

"Why?!" He snapped, he had forgotten everything else, why did he have to forget this, too?

She winced slightly at the outburst, and suddenly he felt guilty. "Because it was a mistake. You don't love me, you don't care for me, I doubt you've ever even entertained any romantic thoughts about me in your life before." She took a shaky breath, "You love Rinoa, Squall."

And suddenly, it was almost hard to breathe. His mind was literally doing circles. It would have made sense; the ring, the facts... but then why couldn't he remember her? What about the Quistis? "Then what about the picture? I had my arms around you."

She looked surprised for a moment before relaxing and letting out a little chuckle, shaking her head all the while. "That was during the party Selphie threw. You gave me my instructor's licence back; and was so surprised I hugged you. That's all that ever happened, I promise."

He nodded slowly, sitting back. It made sense, everything seemed to fit together. So why did it feel wrong? Why couldn't he remember that girl no matter how hard he tried? "Alright." He said quietly. Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa. The name wasn't ringing any bells. Maybe it was hopeless.

"She's waiting for you." Squall looked up, surprised. "Rinoa's waiting for you back home, waiting for you to remember. So don't give up, alright?" And she smiled at him, and he vaguely wondered if that other girl's smile made he feel the same way.

Maybe he had something to look forward to now. He also had something to look back on though. Always something to look back on.

So much to take in. He was love in someone else? He couldn't even remember her, so how was he supposed to love her? Squall closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before turning to her the blonde. "Does she love me?"

A nod. "Of course. She loves you so much, I don't think I can even think of word to sum up how much she loves you." She gave him a reassuring smile; "If you're worried about her moving on while you're trying to remember, don't worry. She'd never leave you." Okay, fine. So maybe there was the one time at the dance, but that didn't count. Really, it didn't. And there was that time at Timber, but she didn't think running off because he was being rude counted... Oh, and the time with Irvine and Selphie and Galbadia Garden. She paused a moment. Never mind.

Silence. "I assume you'll want your ring back now." She said quietly, reaching up and fiddling with the chain for a moment.

He paused a moment, looking up at her; and it gave him a bit of comfort. Maybe it was because of the rings, seeing them on someone he could easily pass off as someone else. Maybe in his mind he as replacing her with the one he had forgotten. An easy substitute. "No." She looked up surprised, and he gave her a small reassuring smile. Enough to sooth her soul for only just a moment.

"Did I love her a lot?" Squall asked quietly after a moment of silence.

"More than anything." Quistis whispered with a small smile. "Sometimes I think you love her more than life itself." She paused for a moment, "Now that I think about it, I know you did."

He smiled, not quite sure if that was comforting or not. "Do you love anyone that much?" He asked quietly.

"I did," She whispered, "but it was just misunderstood. They'd never feel the same way about me."

"Have you ever asked?" He didn't even know why he was so intent on knowing the answer. Curiosity? Maybe just for the sake of getting of the spot light off of him. Maybe because he was jealous that she had someone else.

"There's no need to." It was a simple answer. "I just know they would never feel the same way about me."

"They must be a fool then." He mumbled quietly, smoothing back his hair.

She never heard him.


	9. Bullet Holes

She couldn't sleep. It was the same dream haunting her every time she dared to close her eyes. The dream were she lost him forever, where she betrayed Rinoa... where she died. It made her freeze in panic, made it hard to breathe and it made her wonder what the hell she was getting herself into.

What was she getting into? It seemed like the only thing she was doing here was causing herself more pain. Maybe she was being selfish, after all, did she really come here to help him? Maybe there was an ulterior motive behind it; maybe just a vain attempt to try and convince herself that maybe for once in her life, Squall could need her the way he needed to Rinoa.

She shook her head. It wasn't true, was it? She wasn't really trying to take him away from Rinoa was she? And yet when she questioned herself about it, she couldn't produce an answer. She found herself curling up into a fetal position, hoping that maybe it would protect her from everything in the world that would ever hurt her.

The blonde smiled bitterly. As if. The hurt would still come, she knew that much. Maybe now she knew why Squall had been so cold; after all, if you never loved someone, you would never get hurt when they left. Or in her case, never loved you back. But it wasn't that case anymore was it? Rinoa had come and magically traded in the old Squall for a new one. One that loved Rinoa. Rinoa and not her.

The realization of the fact stung. Even without Rinoa, she could never have him. And even if she did, her own conscience prevented it. And it was like a raging war inside her head of three different parties. The first, was mad at Rinoa; for taking away her Squall; for making her be alone. The second, saying that even if she did have him, would she really be happy knowing that she took him away from Rinoa? And third, finally, reassuring herself that even if Rinoa never existed, she would never have a chance with him.

But she knew that Rinoa deserved him so much more than she did. Rinoa wasn't bitter and jealous like she was after all. She was trying though. She was trying to redeem herself. She really was. Squall stirred in his sleep, and she vaguely wondered what Rinoa was doing right now. Was she scared? The blonde assumed she would be, along with worried out of her mind.

Rinoa. Would Rinoa hate her now? Hate her because she was in love with him? Hate her because she wasn't her? Hate her because he had kissed her? "Would you hate me Rinoa?" She asked quietly, as if Rinoa was here with her. There wasn't an answer. She wasn't expecting one anyways.

She sighed, this was taking a toll on her. Both physically and mentally; she didn't know long she would be able to last before she had a breakdown. But by God, she would do her best to help him. Tomorrow she would try harder, that was her new resolution. She would make him remember or die trying.

[ o [ o [ o

"Do you remember anything about a field of flowers?" It was around 2 o'clock in the afternoon when she had randomly asked him. What a weird question.

Squall thought for a moment and his mind drew a blank. Why did she want to know about a field flowers? Was it a trick question or something? He shook his head, didn't know anything. Not anymore. "No." He said quietly. "Why?"

"You and Rinoa made a promise there." And it hurt. It hurt to tell him all the things she had tried to forget. Hurt to give him away. "She said..." The blonde had to take a moment to compose herself; feelings wouldn't get in the way of this. They couldn't. "She said she'd wait for you." _I'd wait for you too. I'd wait for you forever, Squall. But you never gave me the chance. _"She promised you. That was your promise."

"I'm sorry. I don't remember."

Quistis forced a smile to reassure him everything would be alright. But it wouldn't. She knew it wouldn't. Even if he remembered, it wouldn't be alright. Not for her. Knowing they had shared a kiss only because he didn't remember. Knowing he only cared for her because he didn't know Rinoa. Only because there was no one else replace her with.

"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be forcing all of this on you on one sitting." She sighed. "It's getting a bit stuffy in here, do you want to take a walk?" The walls reminded her of Rinoa; they seemed to penalize her; weigh her down, make her drown in her own guilt.

Squall nodded, and walked out soundlessly. The blonde took a look at the room, it was quiet, nothing jumped out, it was peaceful. Had Squall and Rinoa talked in rooms like these? Kissed? Tell each other their undying love? Made love in rooms like these?

She took a shaky breath, and took one last look at the room before shutting the door and leaving.

[ o [ o [ o

Fields of flowers haunted her. Whenever she went by them they drew out vivid images of Squall and Rinoa promising in the fields, reminded her of what she could never had. What he would never promise her. The promises they would never make. She ignored the flowers, pretended it was a wasteland. Where Rinoa rescued Squall. She squeezed her eyes shut, she was literally being haunted.

Why was it that everything she saw, everything she heard, everything she touched brought her back to what hurt her the most? Why? Did fate personally align all the planets to torture her? She didn't know, she honestly didn't.

Squall was keeping her pace; until they were past the cursed field and onto the dirt road. "Where do you want to go?" Yes. This would help distract her from her guilt. She watched as looked around silently, before slowly walking over to the old bar. Slowly at first, then more briskly as he got closer.

The blonde quickly followed him, almost having to start sprinting after him as he had gotten a head start. The door swung open and closed with a small creak, and then it was silent. She had been here before, both in the 'dream world' and in real life. This was Raine's bar.

Quistis watched as Squall examined the place, hoping he wouldn't go upstairs. Last time they had been there they had gotten yelled at. Twice. Not an experience she wanted to relive. Squall walked over and examined the white flowers. "Do you remember anything about this place?" If she had one gil for every time she had asked him that she would have been rich.

Squall was quiet for a moment, "The flowers." He murmured quietly. "I don't remember what about them, though." He said quietly. He took one last look at them before he turned to leave. "Never mind. It was probably nothing."

And she wanted to tell him about Raine and about Rinoa, but he was already gone.

She had lost him long ago.

By the time she had gotten outside, he was already in the house beside it. Again, she followed him into the house. It had been abandoned for years, light streamed through the holes in the roof and the whole house was covered in a thick layer of dust. Bullet holes were shaped in arc near a dusty painting, but out of all the things to examine; he was looking at an empty picture frame.

And she couldn't help but watch as his finger gently wiped away the dust at the surface as he starred intently at the frame; as if there was something deep within it. "The picture was taken out." He whispered softly.

And she knew why. She knew Laguna had taken with him; when Raine had died, Ellone had left. So he even when he couldn't see them, talk to them, touch them; even when he could never be with them again; he would have something to remind him. Remind him of what he had. Remind him of what he had loved so dearly.

For her, pictures reminded her of what she had lost.


	10. Juliet is Bleeding

It was a long road to get home. For her, at least. Maybe it was just the fact that she was with him that seemed to slow down time; perhaps it was just her imagination. Maybe they were just walking slow.

"What was she like?" She had heard him ask the question, but it had only registered a few seconds later.

Rinoa. She knew who he was referring to off the bat. And yet it took her a few more moment to gather up the courage to tell him. How do you tell someone about the love that they can't remember? How do you explain to someone why they fell in love with them; for what reasons the person was worthy of their love?

That last part made her wince as the painful realization once again came that, Squall, indeed, did not love her. And if he did, it was only as a sister or a friend. He would never love her like he did Rinoa. Never.

Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa. A smile crossed her lips, what a hard person to describe. She took a shaky breath; she wouldn't falter, not this time. "Well," The words only barely escaped her throat as for a moment there she was unsure whether she could actually tell him. Tell him about the girl who took his breath away, the girl who she knew for sure he loved. The girl she would never be.

"She was very selfless." The word nice came to mind, but she ignored it. Nice was such a ..bland word. Over used. Rinoa was a good person, she knew that; but it hurt her to know that she would always be his first his choice, his first love; and if she was to be anything she would always be second. Always second to Rinoa. The blonde forced the bitter thoughts out of her mind, she didn't need anything else plaguing her mind. "She used to brighten the room; she was bit dare I say, headstrong though." The thought alone brought alone brought another smile, but made her heart sink. "She was brave." The blonde whispered, trying to force a smile. "She risked her life for you."

"Why?" Why, why, why? It seemed all he ever asked was why; just like a little child. And yet there were so many questions and so few answers.

Why would Rinoa risk her life for him, wasn't it a simple answer? "Because she loved you." The answer came out before she given it a second thought. "When you love someone..." She trailed off for a moment, trying to collect herself. "You're willing to give your life..." For once in her life, she was having difficulty trying to get the proper words out.

"It's alright." Squall said, continuing to walk. "You don't have to explain." He paused a moment. "I understand."

[ o [ o [ o

"Squall? Squall where are you?" It was like time compression all over again, complete and total darkness. Where was the light? There was always some sort of light no matter how dark everything got, right?

Then a glimpse of light, just a flicker, then it was gone. She hesitated for a moment before walking to it, slowly at first, then a fast pace walk, and then finally, full out sprinting towards it. "Squall!" She was calling out to him, hoping he would hear her, hoping he would be her knight again; protect her from anything that wished to hurt her.

There was no response. She was stilling running, calling out his name in vain hoping he would rescue her from the darkness. Then she saw him, only for a moment. Just like the light, a small flicker and then he too, was gone.

All she knew was that she had to get to him. It seemed like she had been running forever and she wasn't getting anywhere until finally he had appeared in the horizon. "Squall!"

He turned at the mention of his name, curious who had called it. A smile crossed her lips, she had finally found him. "Squall..." She said, taking his hand. "I finally found you."

Only this time, the sky hadn't opened up. They hadn't reappeared near the orphanage in the field of flowers. They hadn't had their happily ever after. "Who are you?" He asked quietly, pulling his hand away. Her heart shattered.

"W-who am I?" She asked, horrified. "You don't remember me?" He shook his head.

"Quistis." He whispered.

She shook her head in vain. No, that wasn't her name at all. Had he forgotten her so easily and replaced her? "Y-you're joking, right? This must be a joke!" He didn't answer, and she soon found her self terrified.

Then there was a sound of the clicking of heels. She ignored it, "You must remember me!" She pleaded, tears stinging at her eyes. "Everything we went through together!"

The clicking was getting closer and she continued ignoring it. "Tell me you remember! Please!" Squall continued to say nothing. "Please tell me you remember..." She whispered.

Someone was coming, and the clicking sound was filling her ears. She turned around in order to see the person. "Quistis!" The woman walked right by her. "Quistis!" Again, she was greeted with silence.

And as she watched the blonde approach him she noticed the chain around the other woman's neck. Her chain. Her eye's widened and she reached to her own neck to find them; to find some sort of relief, but the only thing she found was thin air. She winced as her own nails came into contact with her skin - the chain and ring were gone.

"Squall! Quistis!" Why weren't they responding? She watched as he reached out to her, and she stretched out her own arm to reach him; but he hadn't been reaching for her. She recoiled in horror as she saw him take the other woman's hand. "Why?" She whispered, tears finally escaping her eyes.

"Why?!" She yelled, her knees buckling; and she couldn't help but watch as he kissed her. "Why...?" She repeated quietly. The darkness closed in soon after.

Rinoa bolted up straight out of bed, frantically reaching for her ring chain. They weren't there. She swallowed hard before cautiously looking around at her surroundings. Her own room, her own bed, her home. No, it wasn't home without him.

She smoothed her hair back. It was just a dream, she knew it was. They wouldn't betray her like that, she knew they wouldn't.

But... They were literally in the middle of no where. All alone. Hyne only knew what they were doing; and with him not remembering her at all... she knew that much. It had broken her heart when they had told her.

_"He's got amnesia... he received a blow to the head." Cid had practice in telling people this. She knew that much because later on she had been told she had been the last to know. She stopped breathing, and examined his face. It was perfectly straight - he wasn't joking. _

_"W-what?" She asked, clutching the chair arms madly. "What do you mean he has amnesia?" The raven-haired girl asked, on the verge of tears. "H-he doesn't remember anything?" _

_Cid shook his head, Matron loyally beside him for support. "Not...not quite." He said quietly. "He remembers Quistis." By the time her heart had recovered from the initial shock; it had stopped another beat. _

_"He what?" Rinoa asked barely audible. "Why would he remember her and not anything else?" Her fingers reached up and found the necklace, and she closed her eyes hoping that maybe if she wished hard enough he would remember. If she wished hard enough he would remember. _

_"We don't know, child." Matron said calmly. "However, tomorrow... Squall will be leaving with Quistis to Winhill. We believe that she may be able to trigger some memories." _

_Anger flared up in her. "And I can't?" She cried irritably. She was tired of everyone thinking she was weak, that she was just a bother. "I love him!" _

_Cid shifted uncomfortably, obviously not knowing what to say. Matron took that as her cue to step in. "We know, but Rinoa, you are a growing Sorceress, and emotions play a critical part in being one. If for some reason your emotions got too powerful.." _

_She couldn't stand to hear this anymore. First they thought she was too weak to do anything and now they thought she was too powerful! Rinoa stood up wordlessly and left the room. She needed to find Quistis. _

If he didn't remember... If he didn't remember her at all; would he have gone for Quistis instead? She had been with him longer, they had grown up together... Rinoa felt her self beginning to breathe faster, panicked, laboured breaths. What if he had gotten the wrong idea? What if he had fallen for Quistis instead? Millions of irrational thoughts plagued her head. If her dream... if her dream was premonition... She began to feel sick, what if he left her for Quistis? No. She took a moment to calm herself down. No. They wouldn't do that. She couldn't doubt Squall. She wouldn't. Not at time like this.

"I love you, Squall." She whispered, looking out the window for a shooting star.

But there were none.

[ o [ o [ o

_"You know, one day," Irvine had said, keeping walking distance with Squall. "You're gonna look back one day, and Quistis won't be following you anymore. And then you're gonna realise how much you need her." _

_Squall made a rude comment under his breath. "I don't need her." He said coldly. "I'm fine by myself." _

_"Everyone needs someone." Irvine said with a small smile, walking past the other man. _

_Squall paused a moment and looked behind him. Good. She still with him. He let out a small sigh of relief, ran his finger through his hair, and continued walking. _


	11. Storm Eyes

"You slept in." The blonde told him jokingly. Squall held back a groan as he stumbled from his bed to the table. "I see you didn't get much sleep." She said quietly. He nodded slowly, trying to fully wake himself up.

"Yeah." Squall mumbled, smoothing back his hair. Quistis have him a small smile which was soon covered by her own hand.

"Why do you do that?" He asked quietly.

"Do what?"

"You show fake smiles freely, but you hide the real ones. Why is that?" She looked shocked for a moment, and he thought for a moment he had offended her. Squall watched as she cast her eyes downwards, obviously trying to think of a suitable answer.

"I don't know." She admitted quietly, her fingers finding the table cloth and beginning to nervously tug at it.

He paused a moment. "I want to see the real ones."

This time, when she smiled, it was a real one.

[ o [ o [ o

"Don't worry! He'll remember!" Selphie said, bouncing onto Rinoa's bed.

The raven haired girl nodded, slowly. "I had a bad dream last night." She confessed quietly.

Selphie raised an eyebrow. "Spit it out! You know, they say if you tell somebody about the dream it'll help! C'mon, you're talking to Selphie, the dream expert!" Rinoa laughed at her the other girl's hands waving around like a physic would have done. "Please?" Selphie asked, pulling the puppy dogs eyes.

Rinoa sighed. "Okay, okay; but you can't tell anyone, okay?"

"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!" Selphie swore, making a cross shape on her chest.

The ex-sorceress smiled. "Well, it starts with me looking for Squall in the wasteland before.. and it was all dark and I couldn't find him. But then I search a while longer and I find him, but he doesn't remember me. The only one he remembers is Quistis, and then she appears..."

"Annnnd?" Selphie prompted. "Spill the beans!"

"He kissed her, but when I called to them, they didn't even hear me! They ignored me!"

"Hmmm.." Selphie thought for a moment, before snapping her finger together. "You're scared of being replaced by Quisty! I'm a genius, booyaka!" Upon looking at the other girl's expression, she sobered up. "Look, Rinny, this is Quistis we're talking about. She wouldn't do anything like that, especially to Squall. She said herself it was like, a misunderstood love."

Rinoa nodded quietly. "Yeah. I know she wouldn't..."

_But was it really misunderstood? _

[ o [ o [ o

"Yesterday... when you asked me about Rinoa..." She took a small breath. "I didn't tell you very much, did I? Or about anyone else for that matter."

He didn't know much, but he did know this topic was making her rather uncomfortable. "Rinoa loved you more than anything. She would do anything for you, and would have done anything for her." She was trembling, and it was hardly noticeable but she knew. "You loved her more than anything, Squall. If you won't believe anything else I tell you, believe that."

Why did she keep telling him this? Why was it over and over again, everything always came back to that one girl. "Why are you telling me this?" He asked quietly.

"Because you've got someone waiting for you." She whispered, "She's putting every bit of faith she has in you, because she needs you. She loves you." She wasn't sure if she was talking about Rinoa or herself anymore, and that thought alone made her nearly on the verge or breaking down. It seemed like breathing alone hurt, the words seemed to burn her throat, and if felt like her conscience was slowly dragging her under. "I promised her that I would bring her back to you."

So many promises. So many that she knew she wouldn't be able to keep. Maybe... maybe Rinoa knew that too.

"Only because you made a promise to her." Squall said quietly; the words ringing in his ears. Only because of some promise, maybe she did hate him after all. "I see." Perhaps he had been wrong about his imaginative love stories made up in his head. Slowly, he got up.

She stopped him. "I think you misunderstanding this." Cautiously, she took his hand and made him sit back down; the slightest touch making invisible electricity spark. "I.." The blonde took a moment to breathe before continuing. "I didn't do it just because I made a promise."

His heart stopped for a moment. "Why did you do it, then?"

"The woman... the one who's waiting for you..." She tried to force back any emotions that would get in the way before saying it. Only it didn't work. "She doesn't want to lose you. And I... I don't want to her to lose you, either." Tears stung her eyes, and she knew she couldn't keep it up anymore. "The reason I'm doing this..." She swallowed hard. "I want you to be happy."

"Why are you crying?" He whispered.

"Because I know what all Rinoa has to lose." She told him softly. "But I shouldn't cry, should I? You'll find a way back to her. It's destiny."

"I don't believe in destiny."

She let out a weak laugh. "You should. It's destiny that brought you together."

"What if destiny was wrong? What if I'm supposed to be with the woman that's waiting for me?" He asked quietly, his eyes searching hers.

"The woman is Rinoa-"

He shook his head. "No. I don't think it is." He watched as she took a breath and slowly met his eyes. Cautiously, he raised his hand to wipe away the tears, and she closed her eyes as his fingers brushed her skin. It made his shudder. He leaned in only enough to brush his lips with hers. Feather light at first, then with a bit more pressure. He felt her shiver beneath him before pulling away.

"No." She whispered, shaking her head. "Don't. I promise you you'll regret it." She raised her hands to push his away, but he only caught them in his own, feeling the warmth of hers.

"Tell me the truth, Quistis. Are you the woman who is waiting for me?"


	12. Phone Calls

Yes, she knew she was. But she wasn't the only one.

"No." She whispered shaking her head, forcing a smile. "No." She repeated softly. "Rinoa is that person. She's waiting for you." She told him firmly, pulling her hands away. Squall sighed, maybe he had been wrong. Maybe this was all just a figment of his imagination. Why did he feel so strongly that she hadn't been telling him the truth, then?

She gave him a small smile, "Don't look so sad." The blonde whispered. "Rinoa.. she's a wonderful person." And she was, but the bitter facts kept coming back to slap her in the face. No matter how hard she tried, she could never compete with the other girl. So she had given up back there on the beach; because maybe then she realized it was easier than having to know that even in the end she wouldn't have been picked anyways. She wouldn't have had to face rejection again, wouldn't have had to face the pain of knowing that even though Rinoa had appeared just months earlier, when she had been there his whole life she still would gotten picked second.

That she'd always be second best.

Rinoa could also give him so many things she couldn't. If it had come down to it, would she have been strong enough to go through the wasteland like she had? Would she have quit half way through and given up? She didn't know, but she couldn't promise him forever if she wasn't sure she could keep it. Even if deep down, she knew she could.

"Come on," She told him, trying to force away the painful facts. Like always. "Cheer up." It didn't help any; and yet again her self conscious bit at her telling her only Rinoa could change him.

His brain wasn't processing facts fast enough to keep up with his mind. Only a select few managed to register, and even then it would never be enough. Would it really have been so bad if he didn't remember? Was it really worth the pain if he did even remember? What if all he had to remember was bad? He looked at her; she was hurting. He may not have known anything else, but at least that much he did know. He'd try, if only to ease his guilty conscience about her. Slowly, he nodded.

But he never showed a smile. The fact alone made her heart drop, but she ignored it. She was getting rather used to ignoring feelings these days. She stood up and sat beside him. "Can you tell me what you do remember?"

He sighed, smoothing his hair back. "You." He said quietly.

She bowed her head, feeling guilty. As much as had thought she had wanted that answer, in the end she hadn't. "Nothing about the garden, or growing up?"

The brunette shook his head and she let out a small sigh. "Alright, let me tell you then." She gave him a small smile, because at the time that was really the only thing she could do. "You, Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Seifer and I grew up in an orphanage near an ocean. Matron and Cid lived with us, too, along with Ellone but she left later on."

She watched him; Ellone didn't seem to trigger anything so she left it alone. "You always were a hand full, you know."

"Always?" He asked, with an eyebrow lifted.

"There might have been a few times when you weren't." She joked, or at least tried. As if the teasing would some how add some light to the situation. It didn't work.

She found herself wishing Rinoa was there. Sure, she had put up a strong facade, but it was only matter of a time before it broke. If Rinoa was here and if she worked miracles like she had before, this would be easy for her. Because Squall and Rinoa had their happily ever after romance... until now. And somewhere deep inside it felt like she was the evil witch the was sent to try and rip them apart and make their lives miserable. ...But she wasn't. She wasn't trying to destroy everything they had worked for. She wanted him to be happy.

And that's why it hurt so bad. To know that she had sat there and watched him walk away, all the while knowing he would always be happier with someone else. The someone else that was never her.

"Do you know why Seifer and I never got along?" She looked up, startled for a moment before finally getting the question to register in her mind.

"Not really. I think you two were just rivals from the start. It seemed like anything could spark a fight between you two." The fact that Rinoa and Seifer had had a fling going hadn't helped the friction any either. If anything, it was what caused the rivalry.

"Everyone else you got along with eventually. It took you a while to warm up to people for a while there." She said quietly. Took him a while to warm up. Period. "You've changed a lot."

He nodded, although not having a clue to what she was talking about. He had no clue what anyone was talking about lately. The brunette leaned back and collected his thoughts silently before looking up.

"Do you know how we met?"

She blinked for a moment, and he decided that he had better specify the question better. "...How Rinoa and I met?"

Oh, she should have expected that. Really, she should have, but she had other things on her mind. Like trying to distract herself from the painful realization that she was basically stuck in between a rock and a hard place. And situations like these, were never, ever win win. She sighed, it was times like there she wished there was a huge rock to hide under, but as usual; there was none.

She was beginning to hate questions at his point. _Really_ hate questions, but she was here for a reason... which was to basically answer questions. She hated her job at the times like this, and she hated herself for being so weak; for feeling like wilted flower when ever the subject Rinoa came up.

The blonde sighed. Pitying herself wouldn't help the situation any. She sat up and put her hands in her lap. "Well, you were sent to aid the Timber Owls, and Rinoa was leader of them. I doubt you two hit it off that bat at first but you warmed up to her a lot during that time, and eventually you fell for her." Okay, now let's repeat that four times for both of us to understand, Trepe. She told herself dryly.

Squall nodded, slowly. "Does she know..?"

"Know what?" She asked, confused. What was he going on about now?

"That I can't... remember anything?"

She paused a moment. Did she ...? They must have told her by now, right? "I'm not sure... I'd imagine they would have told her by now."

"What do you think she's doing right now...?"

"Probably worrying and being concerned. Scared." The blonde said quietly, looking at the clock. The feelings between both women were definitely mutual. "I'm sure she wants to be here with you." She sighed, taking a shaky breath. "I can give you a choice. If you could, would you go back to her, to your friends.. your life?"

She could arrange it. She had the travel papers, files... It would better that way if he left wasn't it? Rinoa would be able to fix him, make him perfect. In all the ways she couldn't. Truth be told, she wasn't getting anywhere with him here. He was confused and hurt, and being here wasn't helping either of their situations. Because between both of them the only thing they were going to each other was hurting each other. Emotions can cause so much confusion and pain, and the tension between them was just making things worse. Besides, what could she do for him, really? Other than try and answer his questions and try to ease his mind? In this department, she found herself utterly useless. Why try when she knew Rinoa could do her job so much better...? He'd remember, they'd fall in love again and she'd again realize she'd let him go for the final time.

Did he? He forced the thought out of his mind. Surely he did. Whatever he was feeling, it was confusion, infatuation or lust but not love. He had someone waiting for him back home, but didn't he also have someone waiting for him here, too...? Even though she had denied it, it had eventually clicked that she was trying to push him away for his own good. But this was insane, was he really give everything he supposedly had back there for someone he wasn't even sure cared? Was it really worth the risk? And if he eventually remembered, would he ever forgive himself for letting Rinoa go?

If he remembered. The thought seemed to echo in his head. And if he didn't remember? What did he have left for himself? Shadows of words everyone had told him about himself? What was he, himself without memories? Nothing. Virtually empty, except for her. It seemed the only salvation he had left was her... Besides for her, there was nothing to hold onto. Nothing.

And when she was to leave, because nothing lasts forever, what would happen to him? Would he become an old hermit, live in the shadows and solitude and be alone? ...He didn't want to be alone. That much he knew. But then who did he want to be with, then? The one he left behind or the one who let him go?

So many questions, and he wanted so many answers. If he had so much going for him back there, then why did he find himself not wanting to go back? Rinoa... she sounded nice, but... was she really the one he wanted? What if he went back to her, and then realized it wasn't her he wanted? He shook his head. No, he wasn't going to deal with this now.

He was going to deal with it when he came along to it. And right now, the only one he wanted was Quistis. "No." He finally answered her question, she looked up surprised.

"What?" She asked, confused. What the hell was he saying? Did he even know what he was saying? "Do you even know what you're giving up by saying that?!" She found herself hurt and angry at the same time. After all, he didn't know. He had friends, a job, a lover, a life. If he stayed here, she could give him nothing.

He sighed. "I know what I'd lose if I went."

Her brain was going about a thousand miles per hour, and yet wasn't thinking a single coherent thought. She couldn't do this. He didn't need her, he needed Rinoa. And she definitely wasn't Rinoa. "But you don't know what you're loosing if you stay." She whispered, getting up and leaving.

"Quistis? Quistis! Dammit!"

But she was already gone, down the stairs to the lobby and the phone. The inn keeper watched as punched in a number and slouched against the wall and listened for the dial tone. Finally, the phone on the end picked up. And she knew it was Matron off the bat. "I can't do it, Matron. I can't do this anymore. Tell Rinoa he needs her, she needs to come here." She took a shaky breath. "I'm going home."

Eh. To be frank, I don't like this story very much anymore; but I'll finish it. ...It's starting to kind of look like a wall of text, isn't it? As usual, thank you all for your support and reviews. I appreciate it very much.


	13. Find Your Way

She hung up the phone shakily, trying in vain not to cry. She wouldn't break, she wouldn't cry, she wouldn't selfishly keep him for herself. Because she was always the one who never got the happy ending no matter what the story.

She'd be there tonight. She'd be there to make everything better, make him smile, whisk him away to some fairy tale story in which nothing bad would ever happen to them. And she, she would be alone. She would watch him leave, and wish in vain that somehow, he would just turn around and notice her. But it never happened. He never looked back. Not once. So she would wait, wait for the day she might get a chance at a happily ever after ending, too. But it seemed like there was never one for her. She'd always be waiting in the wings.

Slowly, she got up, steadying herself on the wall before walking back. She would have to tell him now, let him go and watch him never return. And for that, she cursed herself. For wanted him, for loving him, and not just letting go in the first place. She stared blankly at the stairs as they creaked under the pressure of her body weight. Rinoa would go up these stairs. She'd open that door, she'd walk through it, she'd whisper to him; she'd take his pain away.

But all she could do was open the door and walk through it.

He was waiting for her silently, because somehow, she always came back to him. Just like an abused puppy that had no where else to go so it returned to the one that had hurt it so much. She struggled not to let out a bitter laugh. She was the puppy, ignorant and oh so hurt. The blonde let out a small sigh before sitting down opposite of him.

"I didn't mean to make upset." He said quietly, his eyes fixed on the small wooden table that stood between the two of them.

She shook her head. "It's fine." Her hand found its way to the small figurine on the table and absently spun it. "I… I have something to tell you. You might not like what I have to say, though."

He was silently before looking up at her. "…What is it?"

The blonde found herself staring at the figurine on the table. She didn't want to look at him, see his expression. It was oddly hard to draw a breath since the air seemed so incredibly thick, but she bit her lip and forced herself to do so. "I'm leaving." He didn't make a sound. She wasn't even sure if he heard her for a moment. "And I'm not coming back." Her voice cracked a bit at that part, but she wasn't sure if it was noticeable.

"Rinoa…" She inhaled sharply before continuing. "She's coming to help you." Her throat tightened and began to burn. "I promise she'll help. She can help you remember." Her eyes stung, but she wouldn't cry. "You don't need me anyways."

You never did.

"…And you think I need her." He confirmed quietly.

"Yes." She whispered, still refusing to meet his gaze. "She'll be here tonight."

It wasn't fair in his eyes. That she would leave him. Leave him alone. Leave him with someone he couldn't even remember.

"…And that's why you're leaving? Because you think you can't help me?"

She wanted more than anything to tell him the truth. But what good would that be…? Confuse him more, make him shun Rinoa. "Yes."

"Why are you lying?" He whispered.

Her heart caught in her throat for a moment, but she quickly recovered. "I'm not."

He slammed his fist down on the table, and visibly jumped. "You think you can't help me. I know that's not the reason. I know you do too. What is it she can do that you can't?"

"She loves you." She whispered harshly. Why couldn't he just be happy that she was leaving? Did he have to go rip her heart out and flaunt the fact he didn't love her too? "She can make you remember…"

"And you can't?"

"No." She said coldly. "I can't." She stood up slowly. "You don't need me, Squall. You never did and you never will."

"How do you know?" He snapped, how did she know what he wanted? What right did she have to order his life around? He marched up close to hear her feeble answer.

"Because…" The blonde told him quietly, "You never looked at me the way you looked at her."

"What about now, then?" He asked. She looked away, how could he put her through this? She felt his hands settle firmly on her arms keeping her in place. "Look at me."

"No."

"What are you so afraid of that you won't stay here with me?" He asked her, gently.

She bowed her head, the tears dangerously close to falling. "That I won't be able to let you go." She whispered.

"Then don't."

She snapped her head up. This wasn't happening. She was supposed to walk away, leave him there. Watch him await Rinoa with open arms. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to say that. He was supposed to tell her to leave. Tell her he hated her. And she was supposed to leave.

But she didn't.

"I have to." She said. "What can I give you, Squall? I can't promise that I'd be strong enough to go through time compression for you. I can't perform miracles. I can't be her. You don't want me. Not when you can have her. How do you know that one day you won't look back and wish you went with her! And when you can't reach her, what will you do? Will you regret knowing me? Wish I left? Wish you never knew me? What will you do when you realize you made the wrong choice…?"

Because she was always either the second choice or the wrong one. And Rinoa would always but the first and the right one. He loosened his grip on her arms until he was no longer touching her.

"Do you love me?"

She found it hard to swallow. No more lies, she promised. Even if she told him, he wouldn't care. He had Rinoa, and compared to her love, hers was nothing more than a spec of dust. "Yes." She whispered, "More than anything. That's why I have to let you go." She took a shaky breath. "I want you to be happy, Squall. And I know you'd be happy with her-"

He placed a finger against her lips. "I won't regret it then. If you love me, than I'll never look back. I'll never regret it." He told her titling her chin and kissing her. Her lips responded on their own and she felt his hands come to rest on the small of her back.

_"I'll be waiting…"_

She finally gave in and let the tears fall. Didn't he see that even if he said it now he would? Didn't he know that once he did remember he'd hate her and himself? That'd by the time he realized it, Rinoa would be gone? It would be too late? And she'd be left alone. Like a battered and used doll to be nothing more than an empty shell. It wasn't fair to him, and it wasn't fair to her. She pulled away, looking away.

_"…So if you come here…"_

"I promise you will." She told him. "I promise you'll regret his more than anything, Squall. Don't do this. Don't leave her behind. Don't leave her alone." She choked out. Not like you left me. Slowly he removed his finger from her lips, and she looked away, tears still stinging her eyes, undoing the chain around her neck.

_"You'll find me…"_

She closed her eyes, and she felt his fingers intertwine with her own. He didn't love her. He didn't know what he wanted. Slowly, she pulled her hand away from his, licking her lips and slowly reaching up and placing the necklace around his neck, leaning into his ear. "Tell her she's beautiful." She whispered, slowly moving away and turning towards the door. "Goodbye, Squall."

She didn't wait for him to respond, but picked up her bags and left quietly, the door creaking shut.

He waited for hours in the dark, until finally the door creaked open. Rinoa slowly opened the door and peaked in. "…Squall?" She whispered.

He looked up at her. "I'm home." She whispered with a small smile, tears streaking down her face.

"But…"

The girl shook her head. "I know, but home's where you are." She offered him another small smile, and slowly he returned it.

* * *

The train whistle sounded for the last time, and she looked out the window, before curling up in small ball watching the rain paint the windows. She pressed her hand against the window, watching as the scenery became a blur. She had done it. She had finally let him go. She watched as the dawn slowly emerged from the storm clouds.

Then, she cried.

_"I promise."_

Alright! So did I make anyone cry? Probably not. Anyways, I'm writing this at like midnight and it hasn't been betaed or anything so don't freak out it if she is accidently spelt he. I trust you can figure out who's who. I hope, at least. So is the end? … We'll see.


End file.
